Women Know...

We might not suspect at first, but once the suspicion is there, we just know. And what we don't know, we dig, snoop, follow, study, use our friend's expertise until we find out.  Then, once we find out, we want to hear it straight from the horse's mouth.  Full disclosure.  I wrote about it a week ago, saying finally I could put my husband's affair in the past as he came clean with the lingering questions I had.  He had in fact confessed details I had pretty much known, but had been looking for confirmation.   

He had admitted taking 'the skank' out for drinks and dinner on occasion, but refused to tell me where.  I wanted to know where. Was it somewhere we had gone, or somewhere I wanted to go and he refused to take me?  Was it somewhere that someone may have recognized him out with another woman? He did ultimately divulge the locations although he didn't realized that if I wanted to, I would have no problem finding out.  I had taken photographs of his two credit cards and could have easily tracked the purchases in spite of the fact I never see the bills.  Bank of America gives very detailed information on the phone and as he is not computer savvy, I could easily set the accounts up online and he would never know it.  I did not have to go that far, he did in fact tell me what I wanted to know and I was encouraged by that.  However, I still felt he was hiding something.

Before I told him I knew about the affair, I tracked him 24/7 for 10 days using the Find My Phone app on his cell phone.  During that timeframe, I was assembling information for my attorney and getting the divorce papers drafted and filed.  I knew where he was at all times and captured many screenshots of his location at all hours.

The cell phone bill provided me crucial details.  I could see who called who, where the call originated from, where it was answered.  He would call her from outside her house when he arrived, and she'd call him all the way home when he left (how sweet).  I was capable of documenting what nights he stayed there, what nights they'd go out and what time he'd leave.  I could see when he'd take her out because other calls  would come in and be answered in a different location from her home town. 

Clearly, when he used the 'just friends' excuse and they were only phone calls early into the discovery, I knew he was full of shit.

But there was one thing he would not come clean about.  Sex.  I know they did. He knows I know yet he refused to confess.  Until he slipped the other night.  He didn't outright deny having sex, in the alternative, in response to my question, he said, 'well if I did' and I pounced.  Maybe he was just worn down with the lying.  But he finally admitted it.  After all the denying.  After using his germophobia as fear of catching a disease.  After saying they made out but never had intercourse.  Over and over, looking me dead in the eye he denied and denied until he finally came clean.  He confessed he slept with her.  

Of course, taking mature path, I screamed at him.  What did you think, I'm stupid.  It's insulting to me that you would look me in the face and lie when I knew you slept with her.  Knowing that you thought I wasn't worth the honesty.  The only thing you're sorry about is that you got caught.  

He said it wasn't frequent and she often had her kids, neighbors and friends dropping by.  "You motherfucker. I could never have my friends pop by, I had to run it by you because you didn't want people over if you didn't know about it first."  (Mental note, advance notice ends effective immediately).

I was livid.  How dare he hang around with her friends, knowing that she was with a married man, my husband.  It was a total embarrassment to me, a complete lack of respect.  So I started throwing out the names of her friends.  He was staring at me with a stunned expression, not having realized the extent of my 'investigation'. 

I gave him locations of phone calls when she'd speak with her friend 'Renee'. I told him about her scumbag piece of shit white trash friend 'Anna' who actually encouraged her to pursue my husband. He actually admitted to me he met Anna at her house one afternoon when he went over for a drink. I listed several other of her friends familiar to him.  My 'research' and investigation was quite impressive and thorough.

But you know what happens when I have him?  He tries to turn it on me.  Well you told all your friends....and I put up my hand. 'Whoa. You don't have the right to be upset about me telling my friends!'  I sneered, "Don't you ever tell me to keep it quiet.  You were at her house with her friends.  That is an embarrassment to me.  I don't need to 'air our dirty laundry', I'm quite sure she did. Don't you ever, ever dare to tell me to be quiet, I have no intention of covering for you."

And he shut up.  And like a dog with his tail between his legs. Again he said it was only a couple of times.  He said the first time sucked and he had a hard time getting it up.  I can believe that because she is fucking gross.  So he said he tried it another time but it still 'didn't work right'. 

This was a set back.  When I wrote my Full Disclosure post, I thought he had come clean so we could finally move forward.  I don't trust him anymore, again.  I still feel as if he's hiding something.  And I am stuck.  I know he slept with her.  He shouldn't have lied. I really don't think he would ever go back with her.  We are supposed to be moving forward, so should I not worry about how many times over how long?  I know the approximate time frame, I know our marriage was in crisis mode and I know he slept with her.  How much more knowledge do I need?  Is it counter-productive to keep going over the details?  Should I finally now move forward?