I've struggled with regaining my 'normal' self. I can't find my usual enjoyment from regular spring time activities which always provided me with peace and joy. I have no ambition to ride my bike, nor have I broken out the Nikon for an impromptu afternoon of photography. I normally spend most of July at the beach with my sons during the summer which was a dream come true for me. I am absolutely dreading summer this year. I have no motivation to switch the drawers and closets from winter to summer. I don't know what normal is anymore.
Everything has changed. There is no 'normal', no regular routine and very little happiness. To add insult to injury, we've been faced with severe financial issues. To deal with my frustration, I've recently turned my attention to my neglected back yard.
We live in the city and own a small house on a standard city lot. My husband purchased the vacant lot next door, so we have a spacious fenced in yard. Three trees, mature perennial flower beds and a dozen years later, our city yard is more of a mini park with a decent amount of privacy. A small vegetable garden on the original property has been terribly neglected and overtaken by several years of weeds.
In between bouts of rain, I began an outdoor spring clean up in April. Thirty one bags of yard waste and thirty bags of mulch later, my mini park looks pretty spiffy. I had giant plastic planters that I dug into the garden, creating raised bed herb pots. I planted veggies from the garden center as well as several rows of various seeds.
I have been obsessed with the garden. This endeavor has absorbed some of the excess emotional energy with which I've been struggling and provides satisfaction at the actual moment I am working. But once I leave the garden, I just can't shake the frustration and sadness that engulfs me most of the time.
I guess it's a process. There are some good days and some bad. I wish there was a magic button to push. I just want to reclaim some semblance of my former self. Any suggestions?
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