The Skank

...was a 'friend' of my husband's whom he's known for 30 years.  Until her divorce was final this past November, she had been with her husband since high school or somewhere close to that timeframe.  Her mother was a secretary in the office where my husband worked. 'The skank' always had a crush on my husband but he was involved in a long term relationship. 

When his 9 year relationship ended, he was in the dating pool and I met him. We went out occasionally for a couple of weeks but he wasn't interested in a relationship. Subsequently, for a couple of months, he casually dated, and one of the girls he took out to dinner was "the skank" who was by this time engaged. For a short time, he also reconciled with the long term ex-girlfriend. My husband and I ran into each other about five months later, and within a week we were practically living together.  We have been together ever since. 

The skank told my husband she wanted to be with him, and he told her to marry her fiancee. He had no romantic interest in her at all.  At that time, we had only been together a few months.  He still was working with her mother and received an invitation to her wedding. I met her that day in the receiving line.  She was a bitch to me which my husband and I joked about. He said, "yeah, that's because she wants me."

Definition of skank

slang,  disparaging

1. :  a person and especially a woman of low or sleazy character
   

After all these years, I had hardly heard her name mentioned, but when the affair was exposed, my husband admitted she'd been in contact with him for a while.  He was happily married and never saw it as anything more than platonic, yet neglected to mention it to me because he thought I would be jealous. He said he knew I didn't like her so he didn't bother saying anything as he only heard from her infrequently. Men are seriously stupid sometimes.

The frequency increased over the last half dozen or so years when her marriage was deteriorating. She sought his help on a legal matter.  She called his office and met him to discuss business matters.  She tagged along when her now retired mother visited and had lunch with him. 

Coincidentally, as my marriage was eroding, her husband served her with divorce papers. In retrospect, I can't help but wonder if at that point she had spent so much time fantasizing about my husband, that her husband said fuck it, this marriage is finally over.  My husband is truly dense and says that wasn't possible because 'she knew' how happy he was with me and our children.  He said her marriage was bad for years and that the husband was a nut, treated her badly and neglected their autistic sons.  I don't buy it.

She immediately sought out my husband to recommend a divorce attorney.  She began calling him more frequently for his help. She confided in him.  We were battling all the time.  I didn't even know she was around.  He indicated to her he was frustrated and unhappy at home. And she made her move.

Hindsight is 20/20.  My husband and I have spoken frequently regarding the affair and my curiosity with her.  It has become crystal clear to me that not only did she have designs on my husband, but I truly think she had convinced herself that he had feelings for her. She misread his kindness and friendship for love. Even though her husband filed for divorce, they may have reconciled but for the fact that she believed she was going to get my husband when all was said and done.  He didn't believe me at first until I discussed her Facebook posts, declaring 'loving someone from the first moment you met', how he loved her (by virtue of the Johnny Depp quote about loving 2 people at the same time), and about timing.  Did she think some 'cosmic' force was in play and after all these years, 'fate' was bringing them back together? My personal favorite was that Karma was going to get me because of what I did to her.  And what was that exactly? Saving my marriage?. The other night he just shook his head and muttered 'fatal attraction'.  

He still insists it was more of an emotional affair than sexual, and other than some making out and heavy petting toward the end, he did not have intercourse with her. He said he wouldn't sleep with her as she was still answering her husband's interrogatories for the divorce. It is actually quite possible. She may have taken it that as soon as the divorce was final they would finally consummate their relationship. Wouldn't that be romantic?  And get this, she and the soon to be ex were living in the same house!  He was in the basement, but he was still there.  

My husband confessed he was feeling lonely and unappreciated at home and she was there. He said it really could have been anyone.  He said he had no strong feelings for her other than she was a friend and she was attentive to him. She would probably be crushed if she heard how casually he refers to their relationship.  She was convenient. She was there. She was safe as she claims she was faithful throughout her marriage. She was a friend. When I confronted him about the affair, she was gone. (Although getting her truly gone took a little time and is a story for another day). 

I know my husband is 100% responsible for the affair.  'The skank' could have strutted around naked with a sign saying 'eat me' on her pussy and if he said no, it would have been no.  HE is responsible.  HE made the choice.  HE admits it's HIS fault. 

But in my view 'the skank' is responsible too. She manipulated the situation to her benefit.  She passively pursued him for years.  She knew he was married.  She knew how much he loved his family.  She is culpable as well.  She is no victim here and she sure as hell was no friend.