...if we're going to make it. I think I'm just fooling myself into thinking I can get beyond this. My husband in one breath takes responsibility then in the other blames me for the majority of the breakdown of the marriage. He then has the audacity to declare, "if you hadn't done what you did, I never would have gone there."
Having a drink at our favorite restaurant ended in an argument. It happens sometimes, and most times he tries to convince me that it's my fault and he has no responsibility. I don't know if I'm being gaslighted or perhaps maybe I'm just crazy. He's perfect and admits no fault whatsoever.
We were sitting at the bar talking and somehow the subject of my friend who is going through a nasty divorce was raised. Her soon to be ex husband of 32 years cheated on her and actually fathered a child with his mistress whom he is now with. My husband in his infinite wisdom declared, 'she should have know he was screwing around' because he would frequently go on business trips. He's a man. Oh really? The man had a family to support and his job requires him to go away for a week or two at a time. So that means he has to screw around?
I took the bait. She loved him. She trusted him. They had a good sexual relationship. A week or two away meant he couldn't keep his dick in his pants until he came home? A woman should expect man who was away a week or two to 'fulfill his sexual needs'. Seriously?
I said to him they had been together for decades and she trusted him. He said she was stupid. I said 'I trusted you'. And that was that. My husband's a different person. I should have trusted him. No one would ever put up with me other than him. I had it so good. If I didn't treat him like I did, he would have never gone to ('the skank'). I perceived the things he said to me the wrong way, and my reactions 'drove him to her.' So when he told me I could no nothing right for years, criticized every. single. thing. I did, from cleaning, to caring for my kids, from doing work for him and I fought back, it was my fault. When he told me the only value I had was when I cooked or spread my legs, I guess I was supposed to take it as a compliment. When I approached him repeatedly to try and talk to him about how he made me feel, he'd say, 'you don't feel that way'. I guess when I lashed out at him after years of this, it was my fault because I perceived he was killing my self esteem and making me feel like shit every day.
He proceeded to discuss other friends of mine, none of which in his mind have 'real relationships as we had'. It seems that everyone I know have fake relationships. Either there is too big of an age difference, or you can 'tell' they were fucking around. My husband on the other hand is the most honorable man on the planet. Funny thing is, for all my friends who embarked on and maintained long term 'fake marriages', not one of them had to deal with a cheating spouse except the one with the pregnant mistress. Their marriages were 'fake', they were not honorable men, yet the only cheater was MY husband. He is the only person I know that can cheat and place the blame squarely on his wife, me.
He seems to think I am required to put it all behind me because it was my fault he strayed and as long as 'things don't go back to where they were, I have nothing to worry about.' Is that a threat?
So, I just took a lorazepam and I'll go sleep on this while he's at his office, cooling down because I ruined his evening...
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