The Movie of My Life...

...is only half finished.  

I've changed and I am not happy with the changes. I don't like the fact that I don't enjoy the things that have always made me feel alive and joyful.  I don't like the fact that I couldn't force myself to reach out more to my friends this summer. I don't like that I feel like a shell of myself. I was fun. I was the life of the party. I was the 'fun mom'. I don't feel like that anymore.  I used to find joy in my bike rides and my photography. I don't enjoy them anymore.  

Instead, I find myself as an observer more than a participant in my story. It goes a little like this...

Girl meets love of her life, has two children who are diagnosed with autism.  Husband and wife work hard to help them overcome their obstacles, neglecting their marital relationship in the process.  Husband then has affair. They agree to reconcile, but girl doesn't know if she can put the affair behind.  Her friend asked today, "Do you love him."  She hesitates.  She doesn't really know.  She loves some things about him, there's a 25 year history, but doesn't love other things. She doesn't know if she can get past the affair, but for the kids, for now, she has to stay.  She has to help him get his business on its feet again as he has put them in dire financial straits. Once the finances are in order, she can make a decision.  Will she leave him or will she stay?  

Stay tuned...I know I am...