Some want answers because they feel their cheating spouse has not come clean. Others hurt so much, they want to inflict pain back. I fell in the latter category. I was being spiteful. I wanted to make her hurt and I knew I could, because as much as a psycho she is, she fancied herself in love with my husband and believed he was in love with her. I knew exactly how to push her buttons and I pushed them incessantly...for months, later hearing from my husband that I got to her. He didn't have to confirm this, I was sure I had successfully inflicted a little hurt back. And I didn't feel bad, not one little bit.
I haven't had as much interaction on my blog as I thought. I had hoped for an exchange of people in similar situations, however I have had interactions on my twitter account. Social media can be a double edged sword, but I am grateful for being able to converse with others going through similar experiences. While it's discouraging that so many are navigating through infidelity, it's comforting to commiserate with others and realize my emotions are 'normal' and I'm not a crazy person one step away from the looney bin.
In my own personal life, I have learned of a couple affairs within my social groups that I never realized were going on. As a matter of fact, one of my beach friends confided in me a couple of weeks ago that her husband left her last September, the same timeframe when I learned of my husband's affair. "Lisa's" husband moved with the other woman while all the while professing his love for Lisa, saying he wanted to come home. As of last week, he ghosted her leaving Lisa confused, devastated and questioning everything.
I mentioned previously that my son's barber recently found out his girlfriend and mother of his one year old daughter had a one night stand with an old acquaintance she met up with while moonlighting as a bartender part-time. He is heartbroken.
I've read countless blog posts and heard many stories regarding contacting the affair partners (AP). The fact that the issue is between the husband and wife not the AP is absolutely true. However, some of us feel when the AP knows of the spouse and marriage, they share some of the blame. In my case, the skank had been after my husband for years. In addition, she had two autistic children and the fact she tried to break up my family which also included our 2 autistic sons, make her the lowest scum of the earth.
Some want details from the AP because they feel their spouses haven't been honest. That was never motivation to me, because I would never trust anything this lowlife skank my husband cheated with would say.
Interaction with the AP can result in additional contact between the cheater and AP. I do have to admit it happened in my case, however, I didn't care and their conversation did in fact confirm that I got to her. Another reason for not contacting the AP is that you can behave in a way you normally wouldn't, compromising your integrity. Well you know what? I didn't care. I got pleasure in inflicting pain on her. Does that make me a bad person? I never said I was perfect.
As I was working on this post, I received a private message from someone thinking of contacting the other woman and was asked if she could send the message to me to look at. Quite frankly it was the type of message I would send. My response to her was before you send it, be aware of the possible repercussions and if you feel you still want to send it, go for it.
Regardless of the repercussions and ramifications, we ultimately have to do what we feel is best for us, what make us feel better and what will help move us further toward recovery. Taking the high road is nice, but although it may be against our normal character, sometimes getting down in the gutter produces the most effective result. We might not even feel bad about it...
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