As a betrayed wife, I asked my husband for information. When information was withheld, I took it upon myself to search on my own.
I scoured through credit card statements and the cell phone bill. I put the Verizon FIOS app on my phone for his office which offered a call log feature, but since he actually doesn't have FIOS (which I thought he did), I cannot access that feature. He disclosed bits and pieces to me after repeated discussions and tantrums. But one thing remained...were they still speaking? He said no. I knew she was not done, and she either was or would be contacting him. He agreed but said he had no interest in speaking with her. I still suspected...
He admitted she called his office and they spoke in early July. He offered the fact she came to his office when he didn't answer her texts in mid July.
Texts? What the fuck? Now she's texting? They never texted before, everything was via phone calls. But after her divorce was final, she got a new phone and has been texting him. I didn't know until I saw a sarcastic toned text when he was coming out of anesthesia from his surgery. 'Who is that?' "Who do you think?"
He didn't hide it. He didn't tell her I knew her number. He told me she was texting about the STD thing, fervently trying to defend herself, saying he didn't catch anything from her. But he didn't tell me what what was in those texts and only admitted her texting once I saw one.
So I stewed about it a while, then wrote about it in my previous post Show Me Your Phone
And after I finished my post, I downloaded the text log for the past 90 days (only as far back as Verizon retains on their server), just getting the times and phone numbers of texts, not any content.
But this morning, my husband's phone was on the table and there was nothing on the screen (missed calls, unread texts as he sometimes leaves there). So I tried to unlock the phone using the code I saw him punch in when he came out of his surgery, the one he said he was going to change because he saw me looking.
He didn't change it.
I quickly shut off the screen, planning to look at a later date when I had some time to open his messages and photograph the thread of texts from her.
He promised to tell me if she contacted him. He didn't.
I promised I wouldn't look at the cell phone bill. I did.
He promised to tell me when she texted him. He didn't.
I told him I didn't see him punch in that code, that I wasn't paying attention. I was.
Deception breeds deception. Lies propagate lies. Deception and lies fuel the fires of mistrust. Deception precipitated on me has now birthed my own deception which I may now return to him. In less than a year, I've become just like him.
As I sit here, part of me is elated that I outsmarted him. I lied so well, he believed I didn't know his code. Over the course of the past three weeks he's begun to let his guard down, watching me pay no attention to his phone when I hear it go off. I pretend I could care less. She's been texting him and I don't ask about it. As a result, he believes that I'm not looking at the cell phone bill anymore.
The other part of me however is scared. I'm afraid that he's been lying to me all this time and playing me for a fool. I'm worried that they are still in contact and that he's keeping her hanging, keeping both of us hanging. Once I look at her texts, there is no going back. If he's been lying to me, there is no reconciliation. It would have to be over. I don't know if I am really prepared for that scenario.
If he's not lying and the texts prove she's a psycho, I will have my confirmation that he's told me the truth and that is now the final obstacle I needed to overcome. But then if that's true, why the secrecy? Why the refusal to show/tell me?
Therefore, we both mistrust. We both lie. We both deceive....
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