A Year Ago...

A year ago, my husband decided to have an affair with the skank.  

A year ago, I brought a carload of stuff to the beach. He brought his cheating ass to her house until 4:30am.  

A year ago, I was making the beds, unpacking the kids' summer clothes, stocking the refrigerator.  He was sleeping with her.

A year ago, I gave my sons a fun-filled, summer.  My husband was giving the skank a fun filled summer, complete with wining and dining then sleeping with her until the wee hours of the mornings.  

A year ago, I was entertaining the kids.  My husband barely saw them because he was too busy entertaining the skank.

A year ago, I was oblivious, happy to be by the ocean.  He was happy with someone else. 

It is now a year later.  We're supposed to be going to the beach.

I have not brought anything down to the house.  No beds are made.  The refrigerator is empty.  

I haven't even put my winter clothes away.  My summer clothes are packed deep in the back of the spare room closet.

The beach is my happy place.  I'm not looking forward to going. Is it because his affair spanned the entire summer into mid September?  Or is it because once I get down there, I may not want to come home.  

We've both been trying.  Outside of discovering his recent lie, monumental progress was made.  But I know there will be triggers over the next few months. And I still have not regained my joy in simple pleasures. 

Our family is important and I will do what I have to do.  But ultimately, I can't help but wonder, is it worth it?